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Favoritism. Have you heard of it? Or maybe you’ve not only heard of it, but you’ve experienced it first hand. Your day job shouldn’t be a place you dread going to. But sometimes many low energy individuals get together and can have be a real drain on a company!
Here’s your guide on what’s going on behind the scenes when workplace favoritism is the issue. We’ll go over how to manage the situation, yourself and others.
It’s amazing the boundaries some humans will push to maintain control over a situation. Favoritism is particularly a painful situation because by not being one of the “chosen people” you automatically feel less than. You constantly show up and do your best at work, however, this goes “unnoticed” or so you think. While other coworkers who definitely don’t care as much as you do and are a little more into the pleasure side of business relationships rather than the work side are offered opportunities.
Signs of favoritism:
Being excluded from social gatherings, being passed over for new opportunities, unnecessary criticism from your supervisors, feeling excluded, getting a sense that something is not right in your workplace. Perhaps that the work is not being fairly distributed.
How to manage yourself:
Once you’ve established the signs and symptoms are of favoritism then here’s what to do. You need to consistently do a great job at work. No, this advice is not glamorous. It can be very difficult some days when you have a group of people bent on breaking you down. The thing is if any of the symptoms I’ve mentioned above match your work situation right now, then it is favoritism. Often times, not as sophisticated minds are promoted to lead others. But these individuals don’t have leadership qualities to begin with. Mix in some emotional turmoil that they’re going through, insecurities, a bad night sleep and your talents and positive demeanor and that is a recipe for the unfair decisions they made.
In fact, favoritism combined with unnecessary criticism can break you down and cause wear and tear on your soul. As humans, we thrive on being built up. We respond to love. To positive comments. But, don’t worry. I’ve experience favoritism first hand. As have you. I’m telling you that you need to tunnel through this experience to get to the other side.
That’s why you’re reading this and that’s why I’m writing this. The only thing you can do is be a star at work. You definitely cannot connect yourself to those people who want to break you down. You can’t want their approval. And as much as you can tell yourself you don’t care sometimes it is nearly impossible to unhook yourself from caring.
But it is absolutely possible to do. You just need to have the right information at hand. I recommend talking with an advisor before you go into work so that you can understand the undercurrents of a situation. That makes it easier to see where everyone is coming from. Most of the negative energy coming at you is due to the insecurity and unhappiness of other people. If a person is truly happy then why would they want to break another person down?
How to manage the situation:
Through my experience, individuals with a narrow, less benevolent view of the world feel the need to break others down and have “favorites.” Sometimes favoritism is used as a survival tactic. For example, individuals can make a secret pact for quid pro quo. The relationship is mutually beneficial for both parties. Feelings of acceptance and inclusiveness for a more prominent workload is the currency.
To survive the situation you’re in right now you need to be “all in” for yourself. You should realize that a lot of people are inherently weak individuals. Everyone needs to be “built up.” And the quid pro quo relationship ensures that your workplace bully gets the compliments flowing his way so that he can feel good about himself. In reality, this person feels bad about themselves. People also unite in a pack mentality to gain strength for themselves. If you are taking on a group of people at work then congratulations! You have people who see your star power and how far you could go and will do anything to hold you back!
As hard and painful as it is, it doesn’t matter if the people at work refuse to recognize how smart you are. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Your intelligence is known to the world. Trust me they see your gifts. And this is precisely why they break you down. All the best people and most successful people have dealt with this kind of treatment.
Are you down for yourself?
I saw somewhere online the quote, “The first romance is self-love.”
So, let me ask you. Are you down for yourself? Do you really believe that you aren’t good enough? And let me tell you something that helped me. The people that are getting the opportunities you want probably aren’t even doing a good job. Yes, that’s right. They’re probably messing it up. Favoritism is a long-term game. If you keep showing up and doing a great job every day you will get noticed. It might not be right away. But it will happen eventually. Because no one can deny great work and nobody can EVER deny someone that is so confident and secure in themselves. The majority of people aren’t as secure as you think.
And hey, wear that smile proudly. Never frown. You have your very own posse party, you’re practically a celebrity now… right? 😉