Inner-strength training tip #2: Remember that men and women have unique needs that have to be met in order for them to respond at their best.
With women are the rise in the workforce and an increased number of women-owned businesses, it seems that this might upset the natural order of gender roles.
After briefly skimming the old classic Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus book, I realized the reasons might stem from men and women’s communication and instinctual needs.
The book states that deep down every man is a “knight in shining armor.” While every woman, deep down, is a damsel in distress.
I don’t really relate to the “damsel in distress” statement. I think women are strong, smart, resilient beings. But I find the comment intriguing.
Signs of Jealously from Men at Work
You might experience undermining, incompetence, talking to you like you’re stupid or dumbing now more complex concepts and bossing you around.
Do you encounter these behaviors from some of the gents at your job?
Well, let’s have a little empathy for them. Yes, that’s right!
Because, hey, is there anything more intimidating than a smart woman? I doubt it.
She knows her worth, can come up with excellent counterarguments and has the ability to plan ahead, anticipate needs and probably can do it all.
Heck yes, that is scary.
So, let’s say you’re at work and you de-escalate an issue. You work through the necessary roughness of the problem to reveal a solution.
When the smoke clears your male co-worker sees what you’ve done and can’t help but nit-pick it. He may offer a “better solution” or undermine your efforts in a way that makes you self-conscious.
What I’m telling you is to not feel self-conscious. As women, when criticized we might often blame ourselves, and see the critique as a personal failure.
While men with their faux confidence don’t receive the same criticism. Simply because they think they are the best, even when they don’t have half of your smarts.
What’s the solution?
First off, know that many competent women go through the same strife as you. And while I think real, confident masculinity is sexy. The guys that spew jealously at your intelligence are insecure about their own abilities.
Like in my article on self-acceptance, if you love yourself you cannot be jealous of others.
I want to make a disclaimer that I don’t think women should be against men, or that men are “wrong”, bad or dirty.
What I do think is that we’re at a pivotal time where women are more powerful than they’ve been before. We’ve really earned our seat at the table.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
This book may have been published a while ago (think 1992), but the same psychological components are at play today. And when we push the opposite sexes buttons by just being who we are, we reveal the areas that still need work and fine-tuning.
Some important takeaways from this book are:
- Men and women have a different set of needs. And have unique requirements that they need from their partners to satisfy a relationship
- Men want their abilities to be recognized and “hate” to have them ignored. While women like to have their feelings heard and “hate” to hate when they are brushed aside
- “Men value quick solutions and view unsolicited assistance as undermining their efforts” Basically men like to solve problems by themselves and want to be the hero!
- “Not to be needed is a slow death for a man”
- “When negative feelings become suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies”
- Men are Mr. Fix-It while women are “The Home Improvement Committee”
- “Men want their solutions to be valued while women want their assistance to be appreciated”
In order for us to be an equal player in the work game, I think women should understand why men act jealous and threatened by their competency. As always, boundaries need to be set. And you shouldn’t compromise your intelligence just to appease someone else! Be your best self. And push through the negativity.
Share with me: What is your experience with men at work? Do you find that they are threatened by your intelligence?
Do you think the book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus helps you understand how men think?