Inner-strength training tip #31: knowledge is power and can change the way you think about a situation in an instant making a tough situation an asset to you instead of a burden.
You are the target of unfair criticism at work.
If you’ve read the article on nit-pickers, this is the follow up you’ve been waiting for.
Before we start, know that there is a difference between constructive criticism and a personal attack disguised as criticism.
A personal attack disguised as criticism has the potential to break a person down, make the workplace miserable for them and become a drain on their lives.
But you know what that feels like already, don’t you?
A person that targets you doesn’t feel whole inside or simply they try to break you down because of your personal attributes. Your assertive tone, your confidence, your style. We are all human and sometimes envy creeps in. The weaker minded individual retaliates against this greatness.
On the spectrum, whether you are timid, too nice, shy, still finding yourself, or knowledgeable, confident or strong.
Unfair criticism knows no bounds and there are endless traits to be admired and resented for not having.
This article will provide you with examples that you can use you want to speak up for yourself.
I know making the initial decision to speak up is hard work.
It’s downright intimidating, almost incomprehensive to do, to actually say words that are in defense of yourself to another living, breathing, and thinking person. Am I crazy?!
There’s a whole bunch of thoughts going on in your head. But the main thought is: what if they retaliate?
Fear of retaliation. That they will hit back harder than you. Mute the voice inside of your head and know you just have one life, do it, speak up, break the rules you hold yourself to just a little!
[For the person who is excluded from the heard at work but still has to work closely with these individuals]
I’ve pretty much encountered every work scenario there is.
Thanks to the 13,450 jobs that I’ve held and the various people that have come into my life.
So, if you are excluded from the crowd at your job first let me say I’m sorry.
Most recently when this happened to me, while it was painful, I learned that if you stay strong on the outside which you might need someone to remind you that you have the strength to do so on the inside — this is how you can get through this.
Truth is, it’s so hard to stand on your own, especially when there are whispers about you or people are obviously excluding you. Sometimes it feels like school never ended. Over and over again the same scenarios repeat themselves in our lives.
If you are feeling the chill at work use these lines and ideas to restore balance to the situation.
Even though you may think, “this won’t work in my situation, they are already against me.”
Little by little YOU seriously can chip away at any situation.
I know you can peel off the hard, ugly exterior of this situation to reveal the brilliant plaque of strength that’s waiting for you.
- You could stay quiet and let your stability calm nature and strength do the work. If you chose this method make sure that your emotions stay out of the office. It’s easy to let them flare up and cloud the scenario, then before you know it BAM you’re in an argument with someone.
- You could take one person aside and have a meeting with them
- Lean forward when speaking and say “I think it’s great that we can work together as a team.”
- Take control of the situation before they can. This may mean getting the first word in when you arrive at work. When you are able to successfully get control then say I want to clear up any misconceptions that we have. My focus is the work and so I’d appreciate it if we have equal opportunity to get it done.
- Break up the toxic bond by getting in the middle of it. Not in an annoying way, but reign in the inclusiveness. Talk to all the parties involved and become the moderator. If they push back don’t get wounded, keep chipping away.
[For the person who doesn’t know what to say but they know that they are getting trampled over]
You can’t put your finger on it exactly but something is off. You feel that the respect threshold for yourself is not up to par from your coworkers.
While you may need to clean up some aspects of how you present yourself aka being a knotch more assertive, less fearful, more active and less passive in some situations then you can clear up your image and experience greater respect over the coming weeks or months.
It does take work on your part though and you need to be ready to jump the high wall of fear that’s preventing change to happen.
Use this phrases to stay strong. And remember to be active and engaged. Don’t fall away just because people group up.
- Do you want me to take the initiative on [enter task name here]. This reminds others that you are in control and not a passive player.
- Take aside anyone that you feel isn’t respecting you and talk to them [This task is easy for me to do. I don’t need any help.” Sometimes you have to be blunt about it and not super polite because you feel bad.
[For the person that has a manager that is targetting them]
Sit down with your manager and talk.
Be wary that if your manager is very insecure about your presence (giving your tasks away to someone else, excluding you from meetings, being over controlling of you) then that will add more complications to the scenario. You can either break through the plexiglass one hit at a time until you make headway.
Or, you could have the opportunity to leave the job.
I can’t make that decision for you when it’s time to leave, but if there is a lot of tension around you there and you are starting to feel singled out on a daily basis then it could be time to consider a new opportunity. If you’re up for the challenge why not stay and see how strong it can make you?
- [To the manager] I do great work, I’m always on time, I always do this task, this task and this task, I want to make sure we are on the same page in terms of my growth and career
- With your emotions fully out of the situation say, “I feel the need to address the direction of our working relationship. I want to ensure there isn’t an inter-personal issue that is affecting the team. I want to make sure the focus stays on the work and our goals.
- “As a working professional, I feel that my work is being unfairly criticized by you. I’m confident that I complete x, y,z very well and I am helpful to my coworkers.”
Because they are your manager they will most likely get scared that you called them out. This should puncture the layers of misbehavior that your manager hsa exhibited toward you in your work environment.
These phrases are just starting points.
Speaking up for yourself atleast two times is all it takes to feel the confidence of yes you can use this tool for yourself when the time is right. You didn’t know it but all along you had the greatest asset already on you. Your voice. 🙂
What phrases do you use at work to relinquish negativity and restore balance in the workplace?