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Inner-Strength Training #16: Don’t let the skewed perspective of others become your reality
Another glorious work week! Perhaps you get paired up with a mentor as part of a mentorship program that you’ve been accepted into. Your mentor is exactly who you wanted it to be.
You are so excited about this partnership. However, as you let the relationship naturally play out. You start to see warning signs. Maybe you don’t see eye to eye on everything like you thought. And her comments leave you feeling less than.
Your mentor doesn’t seem to see you the way that you see yourself.
In fact, it seems like they only want to change who you fundamentally are. And they never acknowledge what you bring to the table. Additionally, you feel that you have to reach for their approval.
You thought this person was going to help you grow and get promoted. But now it’s becoming painfully obvious that this is untrue.
Oh, bugger, you were up for another challenge weren’t ya?
Or another situation, maybe you just started a new job and someone made an offhand comment that has you wondering: Do they truly respect me?
Ugh, it’s so hard to tell sometimes, isn’t it?
But knowing the underlying emotional current makes all the difference. Because you might think one thing when in reality something different is going on. Something more positive then you originally thought.
Symptoms (when they don’t respect you):
- A hunch or that feeling where you want to ask if they do respect you
- Need to constantly defend yourself and your views
- Rolling their eyes or making faces at you
- Feeling that you and this person or group of people are constantly on opposing teams (and they seem to never be on your team)
- General feeling or comments made that implies you are “below” this person or if you feel less than
- This person or group of people telling you how great your peers are but never acknowledging you,
- Recommending roles and jobs that are below what you stated that you wanted or were interested in
- Dissuading you from a certain role, feeling that you are always in the wrong with this person
- Not being able to be your true self,
- Always having to put on some kind of act,
- Really reaching and having to compliment this person to get on their good side or so they take a hint and compliment you
- Feeling insecure after a meeting with them
- Studdering due to nervousness
Symptoms (when they do respect you):
- Treated like an equal
- not feeling that you have to prove yourself every second of the day
- a sense that others at your job trust that you will do a good job,
- not needing 24/7 coddling/attention by peers,
- you’re a self-starter
- your peers treat you with dignity
- Equal opportunities for every team member
- Compliments for good work
- They ask for your thoughts or input on certain situations
- They don’t practice favoritism or give out the best assignments based on who they like more,
- You feel a growing bond forming with your fellow peers
- You enjoy your job
When respect is present in a professional relationship it can give you an extra dose of the warm fuzzies. You can really thrive at your workplace because you feel that you’re being seen for who you truly are. On the other hand, when respect is absent it can make for a toxic workplace. That is dreadful and downright sad to go into.
There are many variables about why people act the way they do. Different elements and a person’s life experiences and background all converge with yours and every time you face an obstacle you encounter these specific reasons as to why.
Some people don’t want to be challenged
One reason why you aren’t getting the respect you need now is that this person or group might not want to come to terms with how smart you are. And what you bring to the table.
They could have their mind made up with exactly who you are.
Every time you speak to or attempt to prove them wrong with your well-thought-out opinion…well…. they don’t want to hear it because it disturbs their view of you.
They don’t want to face the facts that you are very intelligent.
The situation works best for them if you aren’t smart enough, if you “need” their help, if you are the lowly person.
And unfortunately, that isn’t the way a company thrives.
Perhaps underneath it all, they don’t want to deal with negative feelings that they have to work on, like insecurity and the tension that all humans feel when a perceived threat is thrown into the situation.
Most people don’t like to be challenged. It’s human nature. And if you exhibit any traits that are too good then you will have others that might try to hold you back.
Now, not everyone is trying to stop you from advancing. Sometimes, it’s more convenient for others to see you as the way they want to see you. Or, they don’t have enough of an advanced/mature mindset to see you as your true self with all of your talents.
Hello dear, this is life calling and this is your wake-up call…
You don’t need to be in a place where you’re met with insecurity, tension and lack of respect.
It can be a painful lesson to experience not getting the respect you deserve, especially from an authority figure that you admire.
But, it’s a lesson where you will grow as a human. See what you don’t like, and make sure that you don’t treat others the same way.
Has an authority figure at work ever let you down? How?