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Inner-strength training tip #18: Sometimes, even I get jealous of people’s great traits. But, I always try to be ruthlessly honest about it and release the negative feelings.
There’s a new girl at the office. You usually work well with girls and you are definitely pro-women empowerment. But this girl that they hired, she’s….. different. She’s smart.
She isn’t like you at all. But still, she’s really good.
And you’ve been in the workforce for long enough to know that when something special comes along aka a person with enviable God-given talents, whether that is communication, artistic talents, analytical skills or amazing management style, it can be hard to remember you are pro-women.
Those burning envious feelings come up. You feel them and you try to immediately push them down.
The real piéce de résistance is if men start to notice.
Remember, women are biologically driven to be the most desirable pick for a mate. So, these feelings, they run DEEP. To a very primitive level.
- You feel jealous (c’mon own up to it)
- Covering up envy by being OVERLY nice (c’mon own up to it part II)
- Doing a side-by-side complete comparison of you and your new co-worker (looks personality, traits, how you are alike, how you are different, who is better than who, why you are better than her)
- Shame, because you said you were pro-women empowerment and now look at you. Jealous of this chick. Pathetic.
- Feeling second best
- Feeling scared that she is going to get ahead of you in the “pecking order”
- Feeling that others will like her more and you will be disregarded as boring
How to handle:
The older that you get the more you become your own person and the more you appreciate the uniqueness of other people.
To surpass this situation you need to own your envious feelings.
They are not wrong, you are experiencing them in real time. There is no reason to shame yourself or to wallow in guilt.
Once you own your feelings you can move onto the next step of working past them. If you continue to wrestle with the feelings or disown them then the situation will persist and built up, along with guilt.
- Feel through your negative feelings
- Respect this person as your peer and fellow human
- Realize that every human has dreams, fears, flaws, strengths, and weaknesses (This puts the situation in proper perspective)
- Respect this person’s gifts and remember that you build people up and do not tear them down
- This person’s gifts do not take away from your own, it doesn’t matter if everyone has a crush on her in your office. You still hold equal weight.
- Remember that when we feel insecure we limit our own abilities
- Ask yourself why you feel this way? Some of your needs are not being met. Do you want to feel important, valued or part of their circle?
- Give yourself permission to let this person take center stage. Let yourself appreciate their talents, this makes you appear very strong and puts you in a position of authority because you’re letting others shine.
- Try not to be overly nice to cover up your feelings. Be nice and genuine.
- Have repetitive interactions with them. Over time the more you get to know them the more you can see that they are simply human just like me and you
- Envy signals a part of ourselves that we need to work on
These feelings aren’t permanent, and in rising up to this life challenge you can unearth a new appreciation for yourself and for humanity as a whole.