Inner-strength training tip#26: There is a new way of thinking when working with women
It’s no secret by now that In the past, I’ve been around women in the workforce who didn’t have my best interest at heart. Point blank. I was probably too naive to realize they weren’t trustworthy, to begin with, or that they were just using me.
When I was in my mid-twenties I was so, so motivated and now that I’m in my late 20s I can see how that is threatening to older women who have worked really hard to get where they are today.
Instead of playing fair and giving me a shot the women that I encountered just thought I was stupid and treated me like that. Why did they do it? Because they thought I’d take their shine? Or, they saw I was younger and naive?
Those experiences, seared into my brain caused me to leave the corporate environment.
Since then, I’ve made it my mission not to treat other women the same way.
The problem is that we are not angels. We have human fallacies, nicks, and flaws.
At work, we don’t want competition. We want to be the top pick for the best assignments. And sometimes we treat men better than we do our fellow women co-workers.
And I know that as we age, we realize how important everyone is and we want to work together.
But, while we are in our 20s and early 30s we do see the workforce as a jungle and we are on the hunt to be the best. How can you not?
And if this woman is motivated and wants to be recognized she becomes more threatening to our security.
What it comes down to is that:
Women don’t like to be challenged.
Most women want to be number 1 in what they do.
Most women want to be the prettiest in the room.
Most of us don’t like when another woman gets most of the attention.
Most of us will pick apart another woman we deem threatening.
At times we dislike each other but we love each other too.
It really is a sisterhood.
- Feeling scared that this new woman will take our spot
- Feeling that there is a limited spot for one lead woman at work
- The need to control the situation
- Worry that a new woman with talent will outrank us, so we suppress her talents
- Jealous when another woman gets the recognition that we don’t get it
- Wanting the best for a woman only if she doesn’t do better then we do
- Pit in your stomach at another woman doing well at work
- Trying to hold someone back not letting them be their true selves because it’s inconvenient for us
- We do go through the “why does she get the attention? What am I chopped liver?”
How-to deal: the new way
How can we work together authentically as women while still pushing ourselves up the ladder?
The winning scenario is just like a combination lock. Every turn, every nuance in our working relationship with other women, every slight tinge of anger or jealously gets us closer to the right combination and the right skills are unearthed so that we can work in harmony and authentically support each other.
You have to get down in the dirt with your values. Have the mindset that you want to let every woman shine with their own talents, and that this doesn’t take anything away from you or your ego.
If you decide the make the change know that a ripple effect won’t be immediate. Over time years and years pass we can work out the feeling of jealousy and natural competitiveness, but it starts now!
What ways do you let other women shine with their natural talents at your office?