Inner-strength training tip #17: Pay attention to how your co-workers make you feel physically. If your energy is restricted and scarce then it means that the environment is draining
You’re at work and you are doing your thing. Perhaps you’ve been rocking out your tasks lately and oh, people are starting to notice. But instead of congratulating you, some of your co-workers decide to use your abundant physical and mental energy, stamina and good nature to their advantage.
Suddenly, you feel that the work is no longer divided equally. And some of your co-workers aren’t pulling their weight…
If you have an altruistic mindset then you see the best in people and what they could be not who they are right now.
You assume that they carry as much of a weight as you. Why wouldn’t they be? Yet in certain circumstances, we may not realize when the rug is being pulled over our eyes.
Check-in with yourself first. A good way to get a pulse on a situation is if you feel like you have to ask the question “Am I getting used?” and can’t shake it. Then, you are probably right.
It’s up to you to restore the balance of power that has tilted out of your favor.
Here are the signs and symptoms to look out for:
- When speaking with a particular co-worker or boss you can tell that they have an ulterior motive
- Favoritism may exist in your work relationships. “I’ll do this for you now if you do this for me in the future.”
- You find yourself having to reset your communication with this person so you don’t get lost in the unhealthy game they play
- Unequal workload distribution (where you pull a heavy load while others give the appearance that they do a lot but really do not)
- Thankless relationships
- A need for approval and validation from a co-worker/boss that you never get
- Your co-worker/boss may keep you hanging by a thread
- This person may lure you into a friendly conversation as a way to “connect”, however, it is just a disguised way to gain control of you as if you were a puppet
- This person may coincidentally always “miss” the opportunity to do heavy-lifting or moves at a slower pace on purpose.
- The idea that others can pile tasks on top of you because they know “you’ll get to it.”
And finally, hidden conversations about perks this person may get (leaving early most days) that you may not have been aware of. This can help shed light on the situation after you leave for the day.
Remember: there’s a difference between being a strong player and being taken advantage of.
Why people use:
Most people like to feel really good about themselves.
To feel that high some people go out and party a lot. Other times people use daring events, like skydiving for the same rush of adrenaline or dopamine.
And sometimes, other people use people as a way to get stronger and feel great.
Sometimes a person may see how kind you are and their mind goes to a place where they think how easy it would be to get one over on you.
They may see the value and skills that you have and take it upon themselves to be a puppeteer.
Suddenly they want to be the one in control and they want to use you as a means to an end.
It is all about what’s in it for them, what they can shake from you in terms of benefits and information.
It could be extra work, feeling important or powerful from bossing you around, using your kindness to feel good about themselves.
They may say, “she won’t care if I interrupt her, she’s too nice to stay mad!”
Note: kindness is not weakness, but there are many people that think it is a weakness and will cross that line to get what’s in it for them.
True and beautiful relationships exchange mutual energy whether at work or personally. They make you feel supported like you can reach the highest heights. They are secure, loving and affirmative.
You should not settle or give your full energy and self to a working relationship that doesn’t meet the highest of your standards. I know it can be hard when all you find out there in this wonderous huge world are people that don’t meet your standards.
Personally, I’ve seen a lot of one-sided relationships lately. And I’ve experienced them in the past.
People who are kind must have their guard up
Also, it’s important to remember that you may think you have a situation pegged when in reality your perception is skewed and the situation could either be:
- Not as bad as you expected (In fact the energy of the situation might be in your favor) OR
- You may be on the verge of being taken advantage of, or others may have negative thoughts about you that you weren’t aware of.
The human mind is incapable of deciphering truth from falsehood (read in a book by David Hawkins). And I firmly believe that.
If you recognize that you are being taken advantage of or used up then it’s up to you to restore the balance.
It’s always a good idea to evaluate both sides of the situations to see how you can improve it first.
Do you often jump to help clients/customers and leave less room for others to do so?
If you feel that you might, then remember to balance being proactive while giving others the opportunity to catch up a bit.
You may need to slow down with your tasks as a hint so that your co-workers can pull more of their weight.
Also, your co-worker may start to have some guilt building about their laziness in the office.
If so, you can shift your energy a bit and think about the fact that they don’t pull their weight. If they are a little intuitive or good at reading signs then they might start to pick it up a bit.
Have you worked in a place where people hurt you? Or, where you have been subject to people taking power from you? Places, where you don’t feel like these are “your people?”
If so, then it’s a good idea to keep a guard up.
While completely sealing yourself off might cut you off from opportunities, leaving your true self-exposed will make you prey for predators who want control and power.
Balance out these two energies.
Show people what you want them to see.
It’s a dance between being open and closed off. But, it’s possible to shift the energy that you put out there and what people see.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that you shouldn’t trust.
It takes a while to learn who a person really is. So, any fast connections that you make should be taken with a grain of salt.
And if you’re like me, a person who doesn’t have many friends or work connections the universe may be protecting you and removing you from toxic relationships where you would be used up for the benefit of others.
Take a moment to be grateful for your supportive relationships. And be mindful of who you let into your life at work.
Do you find yourself being taken advantage of at work? How can you tell?