Inner-strength training tip #35: Under the lid of every person there is a complex circuit of emotions. When one of the circuits goes haywire and spills over on to you it can also ruin your day. Stay the course.
Do you ever wonder why some people make comments that take away your happiness? You might be having a really good day and then unexpectedly someone comes along with their bad mood and their own “stuff” and takes it out on you?
Are you tired of feeling off balance when someone strikes against you and decides to get a hit of dopamine by wielding control over you? Some people can be so bold as to hurl commands your way, I never understood their lack of concern about other people’s feelings.
Mean and unexpected comments can do more than ruin your day. Suddenly you feel like your in a tornado of emotions, while the world is spinning around you, you may find yourself blacking out if the comment was mean enough. Do you ever feel like straight up quitting or stopping all communication with a person who makes a mean comment to you? It ruins companies and makes you root less for the co-worker who said the rude thing to you.
If the answer is yes to any of these questions well I have a way for you to manage it.
Symptoms: hurt feelings, second-guessing yourself, brushing off the comment and pretending it doesn’t hurt your feelings, fear of how to act in the future around this person, lines of communication shut down, fear that this person hates you, insecurity on how to act, not able to be yourself around this person for a week or two, all around divide in the company, less productive company.
The Other Person is Having Emotional Problems of Their Own
It happens all the time. You may already have the knowledge that when a person lashes out on you it means they are unhappy with something going on in their lives. It could be as small as not having coffee that morning. Or, maybe they are still holding on to a comment their significant other made last night and they are taking the pain out on you.
But knowing this doesn’t make it sting any less when they shoot an arrow right through your heart. In fact, it can knock you off your successful path completely if you let it get to you. Suddenly you don’t act the way you used to act anymore because you don’t want to deal with negative emotions. You take guesses when you need solid information and answers. And you become accountable for the errors.
Thoroughly Understand The Other Person’s Circumstances
You can overcome this everyday problem by recognizing what a negative comment looks like. A negative comment is one that can be demeaning of you as a person, one that tries to control you and have power over you with a superior vs. lackey mindset, or it can be disguised as a critique for the betterment of the company but in reality, it’s like a pig with lipstick. You have to be able to tell the different between a comment oozing with negativity from just a comment. But it’s so hard when there is much that is hidden from the naked eye.
A comment oozing with negativity: (In a company meeting while Sheryl is present) “Make sure to double check Sheryl’s notes, she misses information.”
A comment oozing with negativity: (asking another employee at work) “Should I take the trash out? Is it required” “It’s not required.” “Oh great” “But you can do it because it’s on the way to the elevator.”
These comments are not helpful to the other person. They only serve as markers that indicate the person who said it is having personal problems which may be too much pressure at work, their life didn’t turn out the way they thought it would, their boss is riding their tail, money problems, etc.
Understanding leads to freedom
It’s natural for some people to harp on a negative comment for the entire day! It’s painful and can turn your life sideways even momentarily. But, the important thing to do is tell yourself and believe that this person may be having circumstances in their life that are leading them to act in this manner. Unfortunately, you need to learn how to deal with this negative behavior because you can’t run from it if you are at your job.
Protecting Your Emotions
If you set the intention to push through any and all emotional obstacles that come your way at work then that is a good start. Because negative emotions make some people want to hide for cover, the one way to deal with it is to recognize that it is a part of life and you will never be able to rid yourself completely of it. Learn to balance the negative energy with your positive energy so that you are able to push past the emotional elements of a situation.
Now it’s your turn: how do you handlco-worker’skers negative comments?