Women Helping Women:
I want to explore jealousy. Why do women get jealous? Do cruel jabs at another come out of nowhere? Or are they the result of built up negative feelings? If we understand where it comes from we can understand how to get past it, right?
Jealousy, adverb: in a way that shows an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.
Directed at you: A weighty or heavy negative energy projected at you. Feeling like you are not good enough around other girls. Suddenly you feel self-conscious in front of other girls, but you are not sure why.
You feel jealous: a negative energy accompanied by a feeling of want. Suddenly you feel you cannot stand this person and are unwilling to enjoy the company of this person.
Jane & Sasha
Jane works in an office. She is an efficient worker who approaches her work with passion and excitement. She works diligently and wants to move up at her job. Jane is relatively new but is eager to learn. She wants to prove herself.
Sasha is the heart of the company. She’s a loyal employee who has gained the trust and respect of everyone at the company. If there’s a tough job, Sasha is the woman to call. The president is has announced Sasha will be in charge of human resources.
It’s Friday. The end of a long week. A new employee asks Jane a question on a process.
Overhearing the question, Sasha rushes over and interrupts Jane.
“I think I can handle this. I’ve been here longer than you.”
Jane looks surprised at Sasha’s reaction.
She always admires Sasha. Embarrassed and wounded, Jane makes her way to the bathroom to process what happened.
The situation between Sasha and Jane is not uncommon.
Sasha is a superstar at the company, but she made herself look small by attacking Jane.
Think you have a jealous coworker?
I think it’s super helpful in identifying the common symptoms of jealousy. Knowledge is power and if you know something to be true you can take the steps to act appropriately.
We are exploring this emotion from the top down. The reaction is the end of the road, ladies.
Feeling she is not meeting the mark a woman who acts on her feelings might embarrass or hurt the woman she is envious of. This can be damaging to both parties as shown in the story above.
It embarrasses and devalues the woman on the receiving end.
It makes the woman acting outlook petty and small
It causes people who are within an earshot to take sides
It’s unacceptable for business. And there are so many better paths to take.
For example, why not admire each other? Or remind ourselves there is enough room for everyone to shine. Women empowering women.
Let’s go deeper, shall we? At this level, the woman feeling this negative emotion hates everything the perceived “threat” does. Everything becomes annoying.
Even little things such as laughing or telling a funny story to irritate her. Of course, this has nothing to do with the woman who is excelling.
The only thing that has changed is the perception of the woman with the negative feelings.
Bit by bit little incidences compound until they eventually spill over to the level of reaction.
At this step, it is imperative to address these feelings.
Have you ever felt envy before?
It’s a tense feeling for sure. It comes on suddenly. We might see a woman who has talents or traits that are …well enviable. We want them. We wish they were our traits.
We think, “They must be more special than what I have.”
Layer: Feelings of Inadequency
This is where it all begins, ladies. Every negative feeling we’ve had towards another woman. Alternatively every cruel joke we were the butt of. It all starts with feelings of inadequacy.
Feeling that we are not measuring up. We haven’t met the mark in some way. Feeling we are not achieving the way we should be.
Which sounds better?
“Maybe if I had better problem-solving skills like her, then people would like me.”
“She’s not even that good. I could do it better.”
“Why does everyone like her so much?”
“She is whip-smart. And a good problem-solver. Everyone looks up to her. I’m glad she’s on my team.”
“She is an inspiration to other women. I’m strong women too. Let me show her respect.”
“Maria is always on the ball.”
The second set of thoughts empower women. It’s an example of women helping women. And it terms uplift the everyone in the process.
I recently heard an interesting take on jealously.
It went like this, if you find yourself jealous of another. Use it as a form of inspiration to make some changes in your life. Turn your negative feelings into positive improvements in yourself.
Take a course, read a book, treat yourself to something out of the ordinary.
When you feel happy and adequate in your own life, you will be less likely to attack another.
Unstoppable: Women Helping Women
Women empowerment is a buzz word nowadays. I’ve observed most women who are for empowerment fall prey to jealousy. Then proceed to cut down another woman swiftly.
I don’t want to sound like I’m preachy. I know jealousy is a natural emotion.
But if we truly want empowerment, let’s make a firm commitment to work through the inner workings of jealousy and lift each other up as women. Then I think we will have an UNSTOPPABLE power.
Yes ladies, sometimes this means letting others shine when they are having a moment. And you know what that does?
When you allow others to shine it makes you look like the star.
You didn’t let your ego cloud your judgment!
To truly empower women requires a deep commitment to each other. It’s no easy feat. I sometimes still struggle with these feelings.
Women Helping Women Challenge: For the next week, complement a fellow female. Whether it is the workplace, the fedex store, or on your way home. If you feel like this person shines brighter then you, let them.
Record your thoughts below!