Inner strength training tip #23: Don’t become a shrinking violet.
It’s Friday! In real life and in our figurative workplace discussed in these posts. We’ve made it quite literally to the end of the week.
And there’s you: Still ambitious. Still driven. Still mailing out those invoices at work in a timely manner.
But if you feel a lack inside of you at work it may mean that you don’t get what you need. While you may give out compliments to your workers and your best effort, sometimes people don’t do the same for you.
Helpful words: If your work goes unnoticed. It’s a good idea to draw attention out loud to a specific action that you did.
Now, life presents your next challenge: the squeaky wheel.
Maybe this squeaky wheel gets the oil a little bit too much.
This person needs attention and lots of it.
- Seek out attention from authority figures and co-workers
- Leaches on to relationships to raise themselves up, more than just a networking tactic
- Obsessively covets shared tasks meant for the entire team
- During the day may exhibit behavior that draws attention to them like speaking loudly over everyone
- Interrupts casual conversations with demands so that they can be noticed
- Control issues lose emotional stability when someone else is recognized for good work
- Inflates importance or status at work
- Pushes limits on how much control they can have over you at work
- Complains or talks badly about other processes and people in a deconstructive way
- Know they make huge careless mistakes but their demeanor doesn’t give it away, pretends to know more then they do
How to deal:
I hate to say it but when did the employee who has the most emotional insecurities get to be the MVP?
Caveat: There’s a difference between a person with real potential and others feeling challenged by them and someone who requires a lot of attention.
You may feel your steadiness is hidden behind this person’s cries for help then it can affect your mentality at work.
There you are day after day showing up and doing everything perfectly. Is it a crime not to be needy? Does the needy person always stay on the manager’s mind? And for christ sakes why aren’t you left in charge more often?
Do you need to be clingy and emotionally demanding to get ahead at the office too?
One thing you should know is that this person may have no real effect on your life. Yes, sometimes people come into our life so that they can teach us lessons.
But, other times, they do not have a direct impact on our lives and it’s best to not give them more sway over our emotional state then they deserve.
Keep in mind that your feelings of defeat or insecurity need to be worked until strengthened and hardened. We all have these feelings.
But when someone’s behavior truly doesn’t bother you that is when you have power and freedom
Other dynamics present, like favoritism, can make any closeness that this person exhibits with a manager tense. Their relationship is extremely close because they always need help and sometimes that can spin off into them getting more opportunities because they seem so open and helpless.
Additionally, I’ve noticed an epidemic where the loudest in the room or the person that complains becomes the “go-to” person.
This is entirely my opinion. I’ve seen employees who were calmer, steadier, and more professional be thrown by the wayside. While other employees who complained, criticized, lied and didn’t exercise as much caution or precision in their work be lifted to new heights.
People’s attention spans are getting so short nowadays that they forget to look deeper inside of the calmer more steadier employees to see the undeniable traits that they have.
I see the traits that you bring to the table. I do.
Underneath the surface
Obviously, if a person acts out in the ways mentioned above and seeks validation they have insecurity issues inside of themselves. There is a trait or way of being that they worry might not be good enough. They seek this lack within themselves as a potential cause for rejection. Which in a way can make you empathize with them.
Your co-worker’s insecurities can range on a scale from many smaller issues or one big insecurity.
It’s likely this person has a problem with limits, too. They cross work boundaries repeatedly and seems like they have no shame sometimes.
To counteract this behavior try to be assertive without the fluff. Especially, if you feel they hog the spotlight and would like to see a more collaborative approach implemented.
If you are in an office environment this can be a little intimidating to do in an open space with a lot of ears ready for the latest gossip and personalities buzzing around.
One solution to this is to take this person into a conference room and speak to them. Don’t feel awkward when you are stating your request. Because any insecurity you have will read through and will be picked up on.
Spit out what it is you really want them to do. If you want them to share the work then say, “How about you do this set and I’ll do this one”
Or you can ask if they need help with the tasks repeatedly until they get it. Whatever you do don’t water down your request by being too nice or putting a big smile on your face and two spoonfuls of sugar.
When someone needs to be the center of attention at work do you become a shrinking violet?